The key to confidence, in my opinion, is unapologetically choosing authenticity. When you accept yourself as real and genuine, you are coming from character and heart, and everything you do from there is natural, easier, and true to your inner spirit. No one else posesses the unique cluster of gifts you bring to your unique purpose in this world.
Though it is common to ask friends and relatives what you should do when you are unsure and lack confidence, it is not a good idea. Focus on how you feel, not what others think. Whose life do you want to live, yours or theirs? It's also common to measure success by superficial terms. Think freedom and grace, not winning or losing or how much is in your bank account. Confidence from accumulating money is not sustainable. Confidence from achieving personal independence and self-respect is going to stay with you and bolster you for future challenges.
There are a few routes to confidence, and every one of them relies on authenticity.
One key approach is mastery. Think of a time when you were at your best and everything turned out exactly the way you wanted it to because of your insight, ability and effort. Do you have a story in mind? What motivated you? What strengths, instincts, or other inherent gifts did you use to overcome challenges and accomplish your successful outcome? What lessons came with your success? How did it feel?
Were there challenges you overcame? In hindsight it is much easier to see how problems which appear to be happening to you are actually happening for you as they lead you to transform and grow.
- Whenever a problem appears, tell yourself that it's simply what's happening – or even, "It's here for me". Recognize that growing from challenge is necessary and a process that can be trusted to make us stronger.
- Learn your character strengths and how to best lead with them to overcome obstacles and enhance confidence. You can find out what strengths are your highest in about twenty minutes through a link on my website that takes you to a free survey. Your signature strengths are the way you bring your best self to the world. They come easily, energize you, and are recognized by others as the real you. Owning them helps you go deeply and confidently into yourself.
- Keep growing. Pick something new to experience or learn that interests you. Take on additional challenges. An elastic, once stretched, never goes back to the original shape. You can start where you are, with what you have, and take baby steps if necessary.
- Give yourself permission to be human and embrace your vulnerability with self-compassion. Honor your successes, and also cast light and love on the inner parts that you still want to stretch. Give yourself permission to be amazing!
- Approach the as yet unknown with a spirit of observation rather than evaluating or judging. Tackle challenges with curiosity, not ego.
- Get into the flow mindfully and lose yourself, along with all self-consciousness, in the effort.
- Don't expect perfection. Your consciousness is expanding, and perfection is impossible.
Inspiration from observing others is another way to increase confidence.
- Surround yourself with people who stimulate and motivate you by their own success. Network and connect with others whose accomplishments you can learn from.
- If you admire someone, you can think, "What does he or she have that I can get or get fixed?"
- A mentor with a similar background can be a great way to become inspired while receiving support.
Expect success. Masaru Emoto was a Japanese author, researcher, and photographer who claimed from his experiments with photography of crystals that human consciousness has an effect on the molecular structure of water. He stated that what we imagine in our minds becomes our world. When you critically visualize success along with the realistic, bumpy process to achieve it, you are strengthening the pathways in your brain that will take you there.
- Envision the details of the process going just as you would like, with a sense of freedom and pride.
- Think of yourself looking back at this when you're 90 years old. What path and outcome would bring your reflective self the most gratification?
Manage stress and build your emotional bank account. Only take steps in ways that feel right and good to your soul. Take a deep breath and sense it in your heart. When it is authentic you will perceive expansion there. Positivity also broadens options and builds resources. Check in with physical sensations, breath patterns, posture; the pleasure of the thought gives renewed energy and inspires more effective behavior. Rely on the wisdom of your heart to tell you what you want, not your mind or ego. Choose to believe in yourself from this feeling of assurance.
- Focus only on the things you want, and ignore the things you don't want until they die a natural death rather than think about or discuss them. What you think about you bring about, and what you resist persists.
- Clear your space, your mind, your diet,and make room for your energy to grow and flow.
- Accept every compliment.
- Eliminate "should" from your vocabulary. "Should" has a built in excuse that implies fear. You can swap it with could, which implies choice.
- Eliminate "but" from your vocabulary. It is often seen to negate everything you said up to that point. Experiment with substituting the word and. Be honest. Be honest. Be honest.
- Let go of a need to please anyone but yourself. Say no when you want to. Make a decision and commit without wavering
- Say yes when you want to, rather than postpone for a "better" time, like when you lose weight or have things just right somehow.
- Envision your life full of the deeper things you desire and take steps to align with them.
- Become a connector yourself. Stay open to opportunities to help others who arent quite as far along as you are yet.
Be strong and go deep. Your authenticity and confidence will be there.